Accidentally All Of Me Read online

  The woman was just something else. She was making it hard for me to think straight, and that was a dangerous place for me to be right now.

  I went to pay for the bill, and she protested. “Look, you really don’t have to do this. I’m perfectly capable—”

  “I have no doubt,” I said smoothly. “But consider this my treat, all right? And an apology on behalf of everyone who set us up here tonight.”

  “Oh, I don’t think they have a lot to apologize for,” she replied, and she smiled again.

  My pulse was picking up. I couldn’t let her go without trying, at least. That was for sure.

  I walked her outside the restaurant, where she leaned on me to change her shoes.

  “Okay, I’ve impressed you now,” she said. “So I’m getting back into my sneakers. Sorry if this breaks the illusion or something.”

  “I’m sure I’ll survive,” I replied, and I savored the feeling of her hand on my shoulder as she kept herself upright. I liked that she didn’t seem to care much what I thought of her. There was no pretense, no attempt to portray this image that wasn’t true to who she was. I supposed that was the upside to coming out on a date you had never expected to be on.

  I walked her to the truck that she had driven here, and she grinned as she leaned on the door.

  “I promise that any blood you see in the back seat is from a dog,” she told me, glancing through the window.

  “Or maybe you’re just a serial killer with a really good cover story,” I said.

  “You’ll never know,” she replied. “Guess you got away lucky with this one, huh?”

  “Guess I did,” I agreed, and I took a deep breath. I had to do it. I had to ask her. Before I could stop myself, I continued. “Look, trust me when I say that I didn’t expect to be asking you this. But I had a really good time tonight. I know it’s a long shot. I know we didn’t exactly come to this date looking for anything. But do you want to do this again sometime?”

  She looked up at me, clearly surprised. Her eyebrows raised. “You really mean that?”

  “I really mean that.”

  She paused for a moment, contemplating the offer I had just laid out in front of her. But then with a sigh, she shook her head. “I really don’t think I can commit to anything like that. Like I said, I’m all about my work. You probably wouldn’t get another date with me for a year or something.”

  “I’m willing to wait,” I replied, but I held my hands up. “But I get it. It’s cool.”

  “I did have a really good time tonight, though,” she told me. “This went way better than I ever expected it would.”

  “Agreed,” I replied, and she leaned up and planted a kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes and let the feeling of it wash over me, overcoming the letdown at her saying no.

  “Thanks for an awesome evening,” she told me, and she offered me one more dazzling smile before she climbed into her truck to go.

  I slapped the door to bid her farewell and waved as she drove off down the street—and I silently said goodbye to the first woman who I’d actually really liked in longer than I cared to remember.

  Chapter 8

  Raina

  I threw on the grungiest clothes I could find, climbed into my truck, and headed out to the shelter. I was dressed so badly, it felt like I was trying to put as much distance between the version of me that existed now and the version of me that had existed last night as possible.

  And in some ways, I supposed I was.

  I’d had a great time the night before. A better time than I had ever imagined I would.

  When I had seen it was him, I had instantly found myself way more interested in what this night had in store—though I was never going to admit to Reed that it had gone well, in case he got it in his head that I was asking him for further help to find a man. Last night had been fun, but that was all it had been, and it was better to keep it as a fun one-off than an awkward set of encounters.

  I arrived at the shelter just before nine, as I always did. I came down here as many weekends as I could to do some of the treatment on the incoming dogs. Jackie insisted on paying me a little money, but I would have done it for free. I knew how hard a lot of these dogs had had it over the course of their lives, and I wanted to show them that people could be good, too.

  “Morning!” I called to Jackie as I came through the door. The place was a little rundown around the edges, at least the parts that humans needed to interact with, because she put all the money into making sure that the dogs were cared for. That was one of the reasons I liked her so much. She was honest about this and really did it out of the goodness of her heart, not for a pat on the back or the tax breaks.

  “Morning, hun,” she called back, and she emerged with a coffee. “Good week?”

  “As good as I could hope,” I replied. “Say, is that dog that I brought in earlier in the week still around?”

  “Yeah, he’s in his kennel at the moment,” she replied. “I was just going to let them all out into the back to play, if you want to come see him?”

  “I’d love to,” I told her, and I went to drop off my bag and my coat before I saw this dog again. I wasn’t sure why, but there was something about the connection that it had to the man I had spent the previous evening with that made me a little excited.

  I headed out on the scrubby back yard that Jackie had managed to hack out and helped her let out the dogs for a little exercise. There were some volunteer walkers who came by most days, but this was what they relied on if they couldn’t get them through.

  I spotted the little guy that I had brought in a few days before, and he snuffled his way over to me, clearly recognizing my scent.

  “Well, hey there!” I crouched down to give him a pet.

  He already looked a little better than when I had brought him in, a little cleaner around the edges. I still couldn’t figure out what he had been doing hiding behind the wheel of that car, but it had landed him in this place, and I couldn’t think of anywhere better for a dog like him.

  I went to check out some of the other dogs, following up on some exams that I had done the week before, and the dog that I was starting to think of as Harry’s followed me around with interest the whole time, taking in what I was doing and checking out my procedures.

  When I was done, the sun had come out, and I rested beneath a big tree that overlooked the yard. The dog came over, rested his head in my lap, and gazed up at me with those big caramel-brown eyes. I couldn’t help but scratch behind his ears. I knew that he should have been running around with the other dogs, but I wasn’t going to kick him off me, not when I could have used a little comfort myself.

  “You know, I had a date with the guy who brought you to me in the first place,” I told him, and the dog cocked one ear lazily, like he was letting me know that he was listening to me.

  “Yeah, it’s true,” I replied. “And it was a really good date, too. One of the best I’ve had in a long time, actually.”

  He let out a little snort. I rubbed his nose thoughtfully.

  “Yeah, I know what you’re thinking,” I went on. “When’s the second date if that one went so well? Here’s the thing. He actually liked me enough to ask for a second date—and I turned him down.”

  I sighed, running back over the moment in my head. Even though I had wanted nothing more than to say yes to him, my nerves had gotten the better of me. I had already come up with the answer to that question before I’d so much as stepped out the door to the restaurant, and it was impossible to shake since I had imprinted it in my head.

  I could still see the look of sadness in his eyes, and I wished I could have taken it back at once. But then, how crazy would I have seemed? I needed to stick to my guns. And besides, what I had told him had been true.

  I was so busy, he probably wouldn’t get to see me again for ages, and I didn’t want to leave him on the hook for me. No matter how much the thought of him and I, and another date made me way happier than it should have.


  “I need to get back to work, little buddy,” I told him gently, and I eased his head from my lap and got to my feet. “But thanks for listening, yeah? I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  “You talking to that dog?” Jackie asked.

  I grinned and shrugged at her. “Hey, can you blame me? They’re good listeners.”

  She grinned and nodded in agreement. “That they are,” she agreed. “But I could use your help putting together a display for the street outside. You think you could help me with that?”

  “Sure, I could,” I replied.

  I brushed a little of the dog hair from my lap and started to give her a hand. I knew that she worked her ass off here day in and day out, and it was hardly the most financially rewarding job in the world. Any help that I could give to her, I would do it. That was a promise I had made to myself a long time ago.

  Not to mention the fact that being around her and keeping my mind occupied was a surefire way to stop myself going over everything that had gone down with my date the night before.

  I wished I could rewind time back to that exact moment before he asked me out again and tell myself that this was what I wanted. Yes, I knew it would be hard, and yes, I knew that my life was crazy hectic most of the time, but maybe that was just how it was meant to be.

  I couldn’t keep putting off the thought of being with someone with excuses about how busy my life was. Maybe I just needed to accept that a good guy had come into my life and that the universe was telling me loudly that I should drop the pretense and go after him.

  “Something on your mind, hun?” Jackie asked as I helped her set the board up outside.

  I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk to her about all of this. Even though I knew it was kind of pathetic, I didn’t like the notion of her finding out that I wasn’t well put together in my personal life. I knew it was silly, but I liked the thought of everyone around me thinking that I actually had my shit together, even when it wasn’t true. Even when it was so blindingly, obviously not true that my own brother had signed me up for a dating site without telling me because I so clearly needed as much help as I could get.

  “I don’t want to steal all of your weekend,” Jackie remarked as we finished up our coffees and put away the last of the shipment of dog food that had just come in. “You should get going. I’ll bet you’ve got some exciting plans for tonight, huh?”

  “Yeah, something like that,” I replied vaguely. If by exciting plans she meant sitting around my apartment and watching cute dog compilations, my go-to for when I was feeling down, then she was dead right.

  “You get on out of here,” she suggested playfully, waving her hands at me like I was an errant bug she was chasing out of the sanctuary. “Go enjoy the rest of your weekend, you hear?”

  “I will,” I promised her, and I stifled a sigh as I headed for the door. In truth, I would have much rather spent the time here with the dogs who were so good at listening to me spin my tales of woe, but maybe I would have been better off getting out there and trying to recuperate.

  There was still a chance, though a slim one, that this guy would actually bother getting in touch with me again after what I had done. Maybe he was pushy? He hadn’t struck me as the kind, but a girl could dream.

  My phone buzzed almost as soon as I was through the door, and I picked it up at once. Maybe it was him? But a moment later, I heard my brother on the other end of the line, and my heart sank. I felt like an ass for being sad to hear from him, but there was something else I had been longing to catch up with him about.

  “Hey, sis!” he greeted me happily. “I know I said I was going to wait for you to call me, but I need the lowdown on that date already.”

  “I went, I did it, and it’s over now,” I replied bluntly. “My end of the deal has been held up. So did you delete that profile like you said you were going to?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I got rid of it,” he assured me. “Come on. Was it really that bad?”

  “It was really that bad,” I replied. I didn’t want to admit to him that it had actually been a lot of fun. He would just see that as an invitation to keep on going with what he’d been doing, and that was the last thing I needed right now.

  “I miss dating sometimes, you know?” He sighed. “You should enjoy it while you can.”

  “Yeah, well, you’ve got Lizzie.” I said, referring to his fiancée. They’d met in law school and had been the perfect couple ever since. He had no idea what it was like to actually struggle with dating. “It’s easy for you to say.”

  “Easy for me?” he replied playfully. “I’ll have you know that keeping a woman like her satisfied—”

  “All right, that’s enough out of you.” I winced. “You’re still my brother, remember? I just want to know that you got rid of that profile. And that you’re not going to find some other way to set me up on any more random dates.”

  “You have my word,” he agreed.

  I let out a sigh of relief. And prayed to God that he actually meant that.

  Because I couldn’t handle something like this again.

  Chapter 9

  Harry

  As I sat there in the park, looking out at all the dogs scuttling around in front of us, I knew what she was going to say before the words had so much formed on her lips.

  “Harry,” Winnie asked, and I looked over at her with my eyebrows raised. It was a Saturday, the kind of warm, bright day that felt like it could go on forever, and she had asked to take a walk in the local park. And not just because there were a bunch of dogs running around there.

  Of course not.

  “Yes?” I asked.

  “Can we get a dog?”

  “Now, I don’t know if you forgot about it already, but I’m pretty sure I already answered this question,” I reminded her.

  She grinned and clasped her hands together beneath her chin in a playful pleading motion. “Please, please, please?” she begged. “You didn’t even think about it. It would be so nice to come down here with a dog on the weekends.”

  “And the rest of the week, I guess I’d be the one taking care of it?” I asked.

  “You’d get to take care of it,” she replied. I had to laugh. She was so utterly confident that she had me just where she wanted me, it was hard not to be a little impressed with her moxie.

  “All right, I’ll give it some thought,” I promised her. “Nothing more than that, though, okay? Just some thought.”

  “Okay!” she agreed happily, and I could tell from the look on her face that she was already certain that we were going to get this damn dog.

  I shook my head and smiled at her. She could be so pushy when she wanted to be, so hard to say no to.

  And the truth was that the reason I was willing to give this another shot was because I couldn’t stop thinking about Raina the vet.

  I wanted to see her again. I knew that she had said no to a date, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t ask for her help in looking for a dog, did it? I would need someone who actually had a damn clue what they were doing when it came to all of this, and I didn’t know anyone better suited to the job than her.

  It was a long shot, but I was hoping I could tap her in for some help in finding out what a suitable dog for a kid of Winnie’s age would actually be.

  “Can we go see Grandpa George today?” Winnie asked as she watched a black Labrador bound across the grass in front of her.

  Shit. She had mentioned it a couple of days ago, and I had completely forgotten to call ahead and check in with him before we went down to visit. It was fifty-fifty if he was going to actually feel up to it or not, but I had to try anyway.

  “Let me give him a call, all right?” I pulled my phone out and stood up from the bench to give him a buzz.

  His housekeeper, Angela, answered a moment later. I was glad to hear her soothing tone come down the line. She had been taking care of the enormous home that he’d lived in all his life, and she was about the closest thing I had to a grandmother since A
nnette had passed away a few years before.

  “Hello?”

  “Hello, Angela, it’s Harry,” I said. “I know it’s a long shot, but Winnie was hoping that we could stop by and make a visit sometime today? If he’s not feeling up to it, don’t worry. I don’t want to push him.”

  “Let me check,” Angela replied briskly, and I heard the phone clatter on the counter as she went to talk to him. The two of them had been together for years, and sometimes, I wondered if Angela had a little crush on him. The way they bantered with one another was about the cutest thing I’d ever seen, after all.

  A moment later, she picked the phone up and continued where she had left off. “He says he can handle it today. What time are you going to be here?”

  “Oh, in about an hour?” I replied.

  She made a little noise that signaled she understood. “I’ll get him ready to see you,” she assured me.

  We said our goodbyes and hung up. I went to tell Winnie what was going on, and a few moments later, we were sitting in the car and driving to George’s place outside of Portland.

  George wasn’t technically her grandpa. He was her great-grandfather, mine and her mother’s grandpa, and he was well into his eighties now. But he was still mostly ambulatory, and he was still all there mentally, and I knew that he adored Winnie pretty much more than anything in the world.

  She loved being around him, too, and I didn’t want to keep the two of them apart. Besides, anything I could do to connect Winnie to the rest of her remaining family, I would do it. I wanted her to feel those connections that ran back for decades, to know where she came from and everything we had been through to get her there.

  I was proud that she seemed to be taking such an interest in her past. She was a bright young girl, and I wanted her to know everything she could about her history. The fact that we had an example of it living right outside the city, one who was, most of the time, actually able to see her and spend time with her? Yeah, that was just a bonus.